Shooting Star
Instead of the curtains opening, they were quickly closed.
Job hunting is really hard. I have been at it for a few months and still haven’t had any luck. In order to set myself apart, I thought I would try doing something that everybody else hates. Surely there are openings there.
As it turns out, Americans are terrified of public speaking. It doesn’t bother me, so my brilliant idea was to do stand-up comedy. An occupation that is solely public speaking will have plenty of openings, right? And maybe, just maybe, it even needs a white male to help diversify its demographics.
I fell for this idea hard and fast, and started writing a routine in my head. The bit was clever, relevant, and would unquestionably be the beginning of my big breakthrough into stand-up comedy.
Throwing caution to the wind, I decided that before I tried the routine out in public, I wanted to practice in the most forgiving environment there is: home.
Excited about my new thing, I performed my routine for my wife, all from memory. I joked about being new to the comedy scene, people who choose their own nicknames, and Kim Kardashian — the routine had everything. Unfortunately, the clever, relevant routine flopped. I know she loves me, but it’s a confidence-crusher when you have to reiterate what the punchline is.
I’ve thought long and hard about this, but sometimes you need to make difficult decisions in order to move on. Therefore, with a heavy heart, I am hereby resigning from my endeavors as a stand-up comic. My career was like a shooting star: fiery, intense, and gone in the blink of an eye.
